Research says that healthy adult relationships are fundamental to the core strength of the family. Couples who love each other for all the right reasons are able to withstand more stress and strain and not break up the family. Children cannot create a healthy family core by themselves, they depend on adults. Research says the development of the child, and the trajectory of the child’s life, as well as the future relationships of the child will all be influenced by his family of origin.
That is true to a point, but not the whole story if you believe in reincarnation. Because the couple relationship is often based on previous karma, there exists either an added strength from positive associations in a past life(s), or a negativity that needs to be healed for the soul(s) to move on. Considering that there might be an old negative karmic record can help to sustain relationships when things become challenging. Karmic relationships often tend to be intense and there are often conflicts to work through. There is no formula for couple success that will work for everyone.
Marital happiness can be marred by the pain we bring into the marriage. Some psychologists suggest that we bring to the marriage our own pain bodies (to use a phrase popularized by Eckert Tolle) developed from our own childhoods (added to the pain of previous lifetimes). The spouses we select may be chosen for the very reason that we feel they can help us heal those wounds. It goes without saying that one of the most emotionally charged relationships we will have is with our parents and our spouses. Often these are very challenging, and we don’t always understand why.
Locked in our unconscious mind are all the experiences we had with our own parents which will unconsciously influence the way we parent and define marriage. If we add to this thesis the notion that we too have locked within us unconscious wounds from parents and marriages in previous lifetimes which we are carrying around with us, perhaps also unhealed, then we have an even greater incentive to expose these and heal them. Because infanticide, child neglect, child sacrifice, child labor and other abuses were prevalent throughout history, it is unavoidable that our souls probably carry a record of perpetrator or victim. Karma, both good and bad is ever present it seems. For the sake of children and our own spiritual progress it is important to deal with negative karma in ways that create a healthy environment for children to grow up in.
Because of our unresolved “pain bodies”, finding your “soul mate” is no guarantee of creating a strong family core, if the marriage does not help you to evolve out of the pain. One “soul mate” to someone can in time become a “soul mate” to someone else. So, who was the real soul mate? And when the karma is expiated, do you just move on? There is a revolving door in some people’s relationships. But, because research confirms that a child needs safety and security with at least one loving adult; it behooves us to wisely and prudently choose who we will marry, so the children can have an unbroken life with the same two parents, if possible and if not, then safety and security with at least one of those adults.
In western societies divorce is common and even marriage is not a requirement for parenting. Consequently, many children do not experience intact families. And yet, the research continues to show that children thrive in two parent families. For many reasons related to health and well-being, it is important to keep a strong couple relationship. Overcoming issues that challenge the strength of the family can in turn also strengthen the souls of all involved.
Dr. Celeste A. Miller
Excerpted from The Reincarnated Child’s Family